We Might Be Fine

Those damn Mayans and fanatics alike are trying to scare the whole world with this Twenty-Twelve "end of the world" hoopty-doo, and H-Beam is here to stop it! Taking advice from those cute little igbok™ stickers, we here at the H-Beam Estate would like to remind everyone out there in internet land that the world couldn't end today, because it's already tomorrow in Australia! Take the "H-Beam Loves You" mantra and spread it! Thanks for listening and always supporting the Weirdo Collective!

We Might Be Fine - H-Beam

"We Might Be Fine" on ReverbNation

  We Might Be Fine by hbeamlive 

H-Beam Bio: Don Bigoté

DON BIGOTE
OCCUPATION: Outlaw Moustache/Trim Specialist/Waxer & Milker
FAVORITE FOOD:
OFTEN HEARD SAYING: (Heavily muffled) “Who wants a moustache ride?”
No barber can tame him. No man can blame him. The power is all in the ‘stache. As Don Bigoté rides off into the setting sun, a lover waits, ready to take the ride of their life. With a horde of angry and insecure significant others closing in on his trail ready to shave him into oblivion, the casanova moustache of the H-Beam family will never straighten his curly ways as there is always a lover waiting for a moustache ride. Shrouded in mystery and shorn to secrecy, once your on top, there’s little to stop Don Bigoté’s Infamous moustache ride.

H-Beam Officially Part of "The Weird American Music Scene"

Thanks to Erin Scholze with Dreamspider Publicity and Events for the H-Beam shoutout on North Carolina's WNCW's "The Weird American Music Scene" spotlight this past week. Being put into the same category as Zappa, Beefheart, Snake Oil Medicine Show and Harry Smith is an honor for us weirdos here at H-Beam Laboratories. We're gonna keep on with the bizarre, thanks for noticing!

whatitisradio

Link to Radio Show

H-Beam : Complimentability : Live at Tidballs

Us be performing the mash-up hit single "Complimentability" off of that nonsensical Useful Box Of Hair. Had a great time with Jerry Pentacost on the drums, what a hitter. Fills up Tidballs like it needs to be. Totally bad ass with a great solo somewhere in the middle. Russel Wright is the duck. Water rolls off his back and stuff. Tastes delicious. He's playing that long four-string-falic-symbol that gets 'em going. Andrew Fantastic, ba-bada-ba-ba-ba-flam!!! He blows. He knows he blows. I'm partial but I think he's the best blower in town. He blows hard at times, especially his solo. What a blower. If you need blowing tips any of you Belmont up-and-comers, go see Mr. Hagen. Rick "T-Bone" Orcutt pays me so much money to call him that I should quit my day job, but the feeling I get while strumming next to him, is comfortable. He knows where and when to play. Thanks T-Bone (Cha-Ching!$!)

Big B, you motor-boatin-jake-brakin crazy man... thanks for signing up for the volunteer army.

See you soon

What Have We Done...

Everyone is all a bustle in the H-Beam world, and it's all over that silly Panda. Our first splash into the music video realm will be christened by our cuddly, somewhat gimmicky but always unpredictable stage show character, "Love Panda," and it's silly theme song that is already a fan favorite. Our decision to feature ol' LP was hardened when our hero Conan O'brien had to change his long running character "The Masturbating Bear" (whom we believed was a distant cousin of the Love Panda) into the forcibly adapted "Self-Pleasuring Panda" (whom we are SURE is a relative to our slap-happy Panda).We hope this is a big enough attention getter to convey the message, we think we could do great things together.

The filming process was great. We went through a shit load of tissues. Lots of different locations all over the greater Nashville area. Mellow Mushroom, Goldrush, Exit/In, Musica Statue, that back alley. The Panda behaved the whole time far as I'm concerned. Who or what the Hell is that dog-thing? I'm not sure if our next music video will have quite the absurdity, but who knows with us, right? Thank you Stayc, Tom, Kelly, Toph, and fellow co-workers. Also, thank you to all of you creative influences. I'll spare the names to keep your reputation clean.

We hope this video touches you as much as the Love Panda touches itself.

H-Beam Performs on "BalconyTV"

 

 H-Beam recently visited the swanky Rhythm building on Music Row to drop an acoustic performance of "Naked Ladies Dot Com" from H-Beam's latest album Useful Box of Hair. The view was fantastic, the crew was very courteous, and the talent of the other artists was apparent. BalconyTV broadcasts via six cities across the globe, highlighting local and regional talent, Nashville being the only U.S. location in the mix. To check out music from the states along with the rest of the world, follow the magic links:

• Auckland //
• Nashville //
• Poznan //
• London //
• Hamburg //
• Dublin //

Founded in June 2006, BalconyTV is a leading daily online viral music show that features bands, musicians and other variety acts on balconies around the world. BalconyTV currently operates from locations in Dublin, London, Hamburg, Poznan, Nashville and Auckland with more locations on the way.

BalconyTV is operate by music producer Sean Giovanni and shot from the lofty heights of the Rhythm building on Music Row. Thanks again Giovanni. What a treat!

H-Beam On Windows Media Guide? Thanks Mr. Gates!

Well would ya look at that! H-Beam is being featured on Windows Media Guide as a featured artist. Just follow the link to Windows Media page and click on H-Beam's picture for a FREE download of the single "Bang" off of Oojah (2006). Keep tuning in and telling yer friends about us. We're gonna keep on keepin' on this silly train until the tracks end! Doo Doo Baby!

Thank You Mr. Plaia!

H-Beam has recently been selected by the big cheese at Reverb Nation to be featured for the week on their homepage at reverbnation.com along with nine other talented artists. How awesome is that! Mama said we must be doing something right!

ReverbNation is the leading online music marketing platform used by over 650,000 artists, managers, record labels, and venues to grow their reach, influence, and business across the internet. Cofounder of ReverbNation, Lou Plaia is quoted after discovering H-Beam, “i fuckin love this band!!!!!!”

This week ReverbNation features H-Beam on their home page which also appears on a FEW HUNDRED THOUSAND facebook applications. Not too shabby, eh??

Giant Mustache Sighting

Ladies and Gentlemen, we here at H-Beam Labs have reason to believe that there is a giant mustache combing the bars of Nashville, TN. After comb-pletion of our newest project/family member, the head wackos made sure to put "it" away until time for the mustache festivities at the end of this month. We have incredulous evidence in the form of poorly twitted photos and twits from sometime last Monday night around 8pm that show our "it" mingling in the Red Door East with the East Nashville socialites. It seems that our "It" has a fancy for swingin' hip hang-outs, 2-for-1's and happy hours. Our H-Beam Crime Lab used the latest in CSI:MIAMI technology and James Cameron Plug-Ins to heighten the images that were so poorly twitted.

The following is brought to you by twitter.com

 TRANSCRIPT:A9887zz70P::c
(source: titepantz206)
08:23:29:11   -  03/08/10
titepantz206: WTF?!?!?!

08:23:47:77   -  03/08/10
titepantz206: i know its happy hour, but im not that wazted. their is a giant mustache in here!!! & is that that guy from American Bang?!

08:24:03:51   -  03/08/10
titepantz206: this  is weirder than that PBR bender at 3 Crow during the Tomato Fest!!!

 ::::end transcript


ATTENTION!
If approached by sed "it" while socializing at your favorite Nashville hot spot, please. Remain calm, have some dip, by "it" a beer,  and gladly accept "it's" invitation to Mustache Friday at The Rutledge on March 26 with those Psych-Weirdos H-Beam along with The Japanese School Girls.

Please contact the Mustache Hotline at www.h-beamlive.com with any "it" sightings that may occur.

H-Beam Loves You

The H-Beam Store

That's right consumers. Follow your stuff-driven appetites and fulfill your wildest H-Beam desires by taking a trip to the new "H-Beam Store" powered by ReverbNation. Along with the brand new h-beamlive.com designed by NOTeNEF Promotions, H-Beam is looking forward to making all of your consumerism fueled pleasures come true this magical Twenty-Ten.

THE H-BEAM STORE

Twas the Beam Before Christmas

Twas a year of excitement,
Of releases and dreams,
And not just for Love Panda,
But for all of H-Beam.

A Box Full O' Hair
The first full-length release
That's causing quite a buzz
Amongst all of our peeps.

The shows have been fewer
But the cast is expanding
Along with our audience
Which is down right outstanding.

The Vacation Piggay
Or to some, Bart Dur"ham"
Was a regular character,
Along with Mitch Huffman,

Who would hardly shut up
Or stop drinking beer,
But oh, we still love him
For he brings all good cheer.

And oh, Bradley Knobbler
Who's now taking a nap,
Dreaming of strumpets and granola mama's
Whom he wishes he could tap.

The new year looks wacky,
with many more shows.
And hopefully more music
you can listen to at home.

But if you haven't already bought
A "Useful Box of Hair,"
It makes a great gift
And it shows that you care.

So as we take off
For our holiday jaunt
We hope you enjoy family
And get what you want.

And until we all see you
At the next H-Beam show
Merry Christmas and holidays
And a big fat Ho Ho!

H-Beam Loves You

East Side Story : 12/05/09 : The 5 Spot

Hay everybody. Big Charles Tuna here. Former pro race horse gone commentary extraordinaire. Keeping you crazy H-Beam fans in the know all things H-Beam.

What a wild Saturday night those boys of goo had over on the other side of the bridge. Full of poorly pronounced band names, tight jeans, and plenty-o-in-biding, the night started off with Evan P. Donahue, followed by the ever widening De Nova Dahl, and of course, the men of the hour, THE VERMICIOUS K'NIDS! Blazing out a down-right happy set in celebray of their new full length album. Thanks for having us out guys!

Then, at roughly 12:28 am Sunday morning, H-Beam took the stage. First was the East Nashville Survival Kit that Mitch Huffman sent, then, some great tunes off the new album "Useful Box Of Hair" (Shameless Self Promotion), Bart Durham and Bradley Knobbler showed up for some antics, the band was really getting into it, when all of a sudden the crowd erupted into an all out rumble! A full on fist fest! Sharks and Jets, tight pants and PBR cans everywhere! Windows were broken out with strong opinions, glasses were crafted into shivs and plows, Topher's pants were taken, no one was spared...

Then, H-Beam finished playing Banana and everyone calmed down. Finished out the set and cleared out the house. They wanted me to tell everyone thanks for coming out and they hope to see ya for the next episode.

On becalf of the ridiculous animal kingdom, stay clean, stay hydrated, and what a fun time ladies and gentleham. Oh what fun it twas.

Big Charles Tuna

Minutes from H-Beam Operations Staff Meeting : Sunday Nov. 1, 2009

transcription begin : 5:42pm : 11 : 01 : 09

raps of a slammed 9 iron on the kitchen table.

HUFFMAN: Alright, Morons. Let's make this quick. I got to get to Sportsman's to make a bet that Philly is gonna beat the snot outa the Yanks tonight. I..I..Uhhh..I mean it's gonna be a fling-fest. Let's skip the last months minutes and go straight to Production Director Matt Walberg with the first order of beeswax.

The assorted allotment of attendees clap, slap, yell, snort, and croak until

WALBERG: Thanks Mitch. I wanted to start by saying thanks to everyone that helped with the album release over a month ago, with a special thanks to Kelly Fenton with NOTeNEF Promtions.

As she is promoting on her new HTC HERO
FENTON: No Problem guys.

WALBERG: By the way, Bart DurHAM cleaned up the Hambone Cake Fiasco after the show. Frank wanted to use a vacuum, but the Pig ate the evidence.

Bart Durham wiggles and sniggles with swine-filled delight.

WALBERG: Also, if you haven't checked our blog recently, you're missing all the great reviews and press the Useful Box Of Hair is getting. It just became available on itunes and I think people are digging it so far. Everything seems to be going accordingly and we just gotta keep telling more people about it. Now I'm gonna turn it over to the Frog. Admrl?

HOPALONG: Thanks Matt. We got a few gigs coming up that deserve mention in tonight's meeting. They are as follows...

Monday : 11/02/09 : Nashville TN Mercy Lounge : 8 off 8th : Greenpeace and NOTeNEF Promotions

Thursday: 11/12/09 : Bowling Green KY Tidballs : W/ Incredible Heat Machine

Friday: 11/13/09 : Louisville KY Hideaway Saloon : W/ Incredible Heat Machine

We're looking forward to introducing Jerry Pentecost to the lineup at the Kentucky dates, along with having Russel Wright return to the ranks for quite a new spin on the "H-Beam Power Trio."

WALBERG: We can't wait, he's gonna be....

HOPALONG: DON'T YOU EVER INTERRUPT ME! DO YOU UNDERSTAND!

WALBERG: Sure. Sorry dude.

HOPALONG: Damnit, now I can't remember where I was.

DURHAM: I think you finished.

HOPALONG: Oh, alright then.

HUFFMAN: Well, Kentucky should be great. Haven't been there in quite sometime. This Jerry guy seems like quite a character. Penny Beer Night at Tidballs always does me well.Speaking of that, I gotta split. So better luck next time, and damn this is some good chili.

Mitch Huffman bolts out the door with more beer than he came in with.

meeting adjourned : 5:49pm : 11 : 01 : 09

CD Release show review by Raul Kemp w/"Shows Big & Small"

CD Release show review by Raul Kemp w/"Shows Big & Small"
"...Then H-Beam started. These guys are always a trip. They were introduced by a Tony Clifton type character wielding a chipping wedge and a purple pimp hat. This was just the beginning of the parade of characters to come through this show, as is typical with H-Beam. The music was really tight, as would be expected from a band that has been playing and listening to these songs in the studio for months. They have sort of a Flaming Lips/Zappa type sound with a stage show that could have been an episode from the Muppets. Leader Matt Walberg was excellent on that guitar of his. Russell Wright was a good stable bass substitute, as always, and the rhythm chicken on drums was really good too. Also props to him for the hand fart solo. Awesome. The show came to an abrupt awkward ending when one of the crazed mutant characters apparently pissed off the drummer enough to storm off the stage mid song. You never know, with H-Beam, this could have been planned although probably not the best way to encourage the crowd to buy your new record, which is probably why Beam did it. Kings of theatrics and drama these guys are. I hope Matt comes through on his promise for the next show to be "something we have never seen before." -Raul Kemp, Shows Big and Small

For full show review visit: http://showsbigandsmall.blogspot.com/