H-Beam is now FDA Approved

The U.S. Food and Drug Administration has found the time and budget to make H-Beam approved for all consumers. The commission appointed, set by a lunch-time deadline, adjourned with the decision to release H-Beam into the mainstream consumer market with a loud harrumph. Either in visual, audible, or edible form, H-Beam is guaranteed to work 80% of the time, all of the time. However, there was a lengthy side-effect list that would make Viagra users quiver.

The known side-effects may include and are not limited to:

Nausea
Upset Stomach
Diarrhea
Hopefulness
Strong Sexual Side Effects
Dizziness
Lots and lots of rashes
Gout
Bowel Irritability
Spouse Irritability
Undeadness
Hot Hands
Yeast Infection
Backne
Irregular Yawning
Hair Hurting
The Urge to Mash Potatoes
Hopscotchiness
Pregnancy
Bloody Nose
Fever
and The Plague

This didn't stop the FDA, why should it stop us. Please take with alcohol and try to operate heavy machinery under adult supervision. No Pandas, Chickens or Frogs were bothered by animal testing.